Slowly Exhale
by unicornsandrainbowsparklez
Summary: In 2004 Castiel Novak sells his soul to a crossroad demon. During the 10 years, he abandons his old life entirely before the last year settling in a small town by himself. He lives quietly before his time is up but out of the blue he meets someone, someone that might make him regret his decision. AU, Rated T for swearing and violent description.
1. Prologue

Hello everyone I am back! I'm kind of in the writing spirits which is good. It's just been insane lately with life and it's just been up and down so that's why I haven't been updating but I will! Hope you like this epilogue and I will post a new chapter once I've written it. This is a re-write of the story **slowly exhale** which is my other destiel fanfiction. It will have the same story line so those who have read **SE, **the plot line in this is exactly the same- just written differently. Those who are new to my stories, welcome! I have two other one shot destiel fanfiction so if you want to read them they're in my account.

Please review because I love reading reviews, honestly, I'd love to improve my writing. Feel free to message me, even though I'm busy I'm usually bored yep. I also have a tumblr, it's on my profile :)

Enjoy!

xx

* * *

**...**

"Well, well, well, what does the world's greatest hunter want with a little crossroad demon like me?"

A woman dressed in black stood in the middle of the crossroad, her eyes glowed red and her skin pale. When the light from the street lamp hit her skin it was almost translucent, small bundles of green and blue veins were decorating her skin like tattoos.

"You know what I'm doing here. Don't mock me." A voice said softly but even when spoken softly he had a hint of an ominous tone, his eyes locked on the woman and a knife gripped in his right hand. The woman shivered and shifted slightly, his eyes following her every moment. She hated herself for feeling fear. She was a demon; she was supposed to be the one that scared people!

"Where's your cute brother?" She said, burying her fear and giving him a playful smirk while her one hand on her hips and the other twirling her hair.

"You know what I want so I suggest we stop playing games or I'll kill you. You know very well I'm capable and you best not lie or you'll be another example to the other demons that lie to me. Remember your friend on cross road 35?" He said, bringing the knife up and she stiffened as it shined under the soft moonlight.

She knew very well what he was talking about, there had been a rumour that _he_, one of the most feared hunters had been trying to make deals with a crossroad demon and when they told a single lie or played and mock him too much they would just disappear but everyone knew where they went.

He killed them.

She didn't know how he knew when demons were lying but she felt even more fear when he stepped out of the shadows and she saw how his eyes still haven't left hers. It was locked down, his hands dripping the knife and each step he took closer to her she felt panic it seemed like she couldn't move she had never felt this much fear in her entire career.

"Now, save him and give me 10 years."

She felt the cold blade on her neck but it didn't cut her though she knew if she messed up in the next second she would be gone. She looked into his eyes.

"On August 24th 2014 at midnight we'll come and collect you. I just hope you don't regret this Castiel Novak."

**...**


	2. Chapter 1

"Dean… Dean… Dean get up!"

Dean Winchester rolled off his bed, blanket wrapped around his body and when he hit the floor he let a groan slip out of his mouth, opening one eye slightly looking at his toweringly tall younger brother who stood beside him with his arms crossed across his body.

"What time is it Sammy?" he asked groggily, the loudness of his own voice added to the throbbing in his head.

"It's already 8am, I'm going to school. The second day in this town and you're already hung over?"

"Sammy… New town… new life, why not celebrate? Now go to school you nerd." He said jokingly, slapping Sam's calves before pulling the blanket over his head. He heard Sam sigh before walking to the door with a smirk, he pressed play on the I-pod and flicked the light on, "Raise and shine Dean."

"SAMMY I HATE YOU!" Dean yelled, grabbing the pillow and throwing it as hard as he could in Sam's direction but it hit the door with a thud. Dean groaned and ran his hands through his hair, getting up and switching the music off he took a quick glance at his own reflection in the mirror. His hair was a mess and he could see a trail of dried up droll from the corner of his mouth to the bottom of his chin and he could barely open his green eyes.

"I am never drinking ever again…" He muttered for the nth time before dragging his feet to the bathroom.

* * *

After taking a shower to wash off the scent of strong liquor, Dean Winchester took a stroll down the streets of the small town. He had moved here just 2 days ago and their apartment was mostly still in boxes but he felt it was a good change after their father died a few months ago. He wasn't the most loving father, he was a tough man and nothing his children did seemed to please him. He had changed after his wife, their mother died in a house fire when they were younger. Sam was just a baby so he didn't remember a thing but Dean did and it was still a reoccurring nightmare that woke him drench in his own sweat with his heart racing a million miles per minute.

He breathed in the fresh air trying to ignore the curious stares of the townsmen, he guessed they were a tight knitted community, and after all there weren't many people in this town anyways. He didn't really care about making any friends, he just wanted to get Sam someone where to have a fresh start and after he goes to college, Dean would probably move out.

"Hello dear, you look lost? Are you alright?"

He turned around to see an old frail lady, her hands gripping the strap of her worn out bag.

"oh no I'm fine thanks. I'm just taking a stroll, new town, might as well get to know it better." He said, putting on a charming smile that seemed to work on any woman at any age. The old lady smiled, "We don't get many new people in this town. What made you move here? You seem more like a city boy."

He chuckled, "It's a fresh start for me and my baby brother Sammy ma'am," He said, looking across the road, "Want a hand across the road?"

"Why thank you! Well, the whole town is having a barbeque at the park tonight at 6. Would you like to come?"

He stopped when they crossed the street and she let go of his arm, "Sure, I don't mind." He said with a smile before she slowly walked away. He looked at the scenery around him; this wasn't like the place where he used to live. Children could run around without worrying their parents and people knew each other, they were friendly. It wasn't as bad as he thought it'd be.

" 'cuse me."

Dean turned around but his shoulder collided heavily against someone else's, knocking over books and a bag of groceries, "Sorry, I didn't see you there. Here, let me help," He said, quickly picking up the books, Dean smiled at the man, "Sorry about that."

"It's fine…" He said quietly, not making eye contact with Dean, he looked at the ground and accepted the books that Dean handed him.

"Mythology? You into that kind of stuff? I'm Dean Winchester by the way, new comer in town." He said but paused when the man looked up. His eyes were so blue and in the soft morning light the beautiful blue of aquamarine. His hair was messy, as if he had just ran his hair through it in a hurry and his clothes were slightly worn out with holes or frays on the wool sweater.

"Um, yeah, it's quite… cool. I kinda like all the fantasy stuff…," he muttered, scratching the back of his head while Dean noticed the soft pinkness that crept up his neck, "I'm Castiel Novak."

"Well Castiel Novak, you'll be going to the barbeque tonight?"

"Um, yeah, maybe, possibly, I don't know…" Castiel said, shuffling his feet on the pavement, his eyes flickering from Dean's eyes to the ground.

"Come on! The more the merrier! Might as well make some friends while I'm here, see you there then Castiel." He said, softly patting his shoulder and giving him a wink before he rushed away with a hotness creeping up his neck and flaming his cheeks.

Dean stood there for a minute, watching the man quickly scurry away and he chuckled to himself before putting his hands in his pockets and making his way downtown.

* * *

Castiel stood at the edge of the crowd, rocking back and forth softly on his feet with a bottle of beer in his hand. He had tried to find his best shirt, well, the shirt that didn't have holes in them but at the end he waved the white flag and admitted defeat and throwing on a grey shirt and some jeans.

His blue eyes scanned the crowd of familiar faces but not the face he wanted to see. Shaking his head, he concentrated on the condensation around the glass of his beer bottle, "Castiel, you're such a dumbass. You barely know the guy, you haven't even had a proper conversation yet, why are you looking for him? This isn't some sort of movie or book or some stupid fanfiction. The guy you met isn't just going to fall in love with you…" He muttered to himself softly before snapping his glance upwards to see a man walking towards him, Dean Winchester.

"Hey! I was looking for you. What are you doing here by yourself?"

"I'm not exactly the best at socialising. You can say my 'people' skills are rusty."

Dean let out a chuckle, "Well, you're not so bad. You here alone?"

"Yeah pretty much. I always am anyways. I'm just plain, not really interesting I guess." He said with a shrug and a small laugh.

Dean laughed along with Castiel but his eyes focussed on Castiel's eyes, even in the dark he could still his bright blue eyes. He observed the man in front of him for a while, true he did not look like he was anything special, in a crowd he would not be noticed. Dean somehow knew that Castiel wasn't a plain man, it seemed by living in a meek, small town, it influenced him and somehow let it wash over him moulding him into someone new. However it did not mould him completely, his eyes showed adventure, a sense for excitement- it was the eyes of someone who had _lived_.

"Hey, come on. I know you're not all that plain and boring. I can _tell_. Cheers Cas." Dean said, grinning.

Castiel tilted his head, confused, "Cheers to what?"

"New friends? Or do you not want to be friends with me?" Dean said, moving his face closer to Castiel and squinting his eyes, playfully looking suspicious.

Castiel quickly moved back so Dean wasn't so close and smiled a smile that reached his eyes, making his eyes glisten, reminding Dean of the sea that him and his family used to vacation at, like the sea when the morning light hit the waters. There was something nostalgic about looking at Castiel's eyes, he shook the thought from his head. This was weird, looking into a man's eyes but Castiel clinked his bottle with Dean's and the thoughts vanished from Dean's mind.

"Cheers then Dean."

* * *

**A/N: Hello everyone! New chapter! YAY! Hope you guys enjoy this story. I kind of made Cas say that line 'my people skills are rusty' that's one of my favourite lines of Cas, he's adorable : ) I tend to add little lines here and there in my stories that are actually from the show itself. I think it's quite fun to do so. Feel free to add reviews (please review) so I know how this story is. Hope you enjoy this new chapter and I'll be posting! Now, time to go curl up in my blanket.  
xx**


	3. Chapter 2

Castiel paused in front of the mirror, wiping the steamed up mirror with his hand.

He stood in front of the mirror with a towel slung on his hips and looked at his own reflection. He tried not to look at himself much; his body wasn't a pretty sight. Scars were decorated around his body, scattered from his chest to his stomach and arms. After many years they had started to fade away and what was once a prominent, brown scar on his pale skin was now slightly blended in with his skin. His fingertips traced the scar on the right side of his stomach.

He closed his eyes and traced the raised skin from the start of the scar to the end, shuddering slightly. He shook his head and walked out of his bathroom, his back reflecting in the mirror. There were more scars and patches of slightly darker skin on his back, on the back of his shoulder was a faded tattoo- a tattoo of one circle, in the circle was a 5-pointed star and on the outside, it looked like waves surrounding that circle.

He quickly dressed himself, stepping over piles of paper and books on the floor of his bedroom. He sighed to himself, 'I really need to clean this up.'

He grabbed his usual bag, slung it over his shoulders and walked out of his door. He didn't have a permanent job so most of his time was spent walking around the town or in his house usually asleep or just rereading books that he had read for the thousandth time. He never really made any friends in the town, he found that by making friends they tend to care about you sooner or later and then they'll start asking questions.

He didn't want anyone to asking too many questions.

"Hey! Hey! Castiel!"

Castiel turned around, surprised to see Dean Winchester jogging up to him. He was wearing a white shirt and jeans that were stained with grease but Castiel noticed how Dean's eyes shined in the sunlight and how there were light freckles on his face, barely noticeable, he didn't notice the other time they had met.

"What are you doing here Dean?"

"I just finished work… at the garage?" He said smiling a bright smile which was contagious because Castiel felt his lips moving upwards, "I saw you and just wanted to say hi, you left kinda early yesterday." Dean said, scratching his head and looking away from Castiel's eyes. Dean secretly wanted to talk to him more, he seemed more interesting than anyone in this entire town, plus, he was quite cute.

"Oh, I was tired; I just wanted to go home early. Social things aren't really… my thing." Castiel said casually although he didn't lie, he did go home but it was because he felt himself slightly intoxicated. Drinking wasn't his strong point and he didn't want to be drunk and had someone he had just met bring him home. That would have been embarrassing.

"Um, anyways, wanna hang out for a bit?" Dean said, grinning and looked at the park, they were standing in front of. Castiel looked away from Dean before sighing and nodding, "Sure, why not?"

"Hold on."

Dean had ran across the street into the local shop, Castiel saw that the woman had greeted him friendly and before he left, he said something that made her laugh in which she responded with a giggle and a touch on his arm.

"So," Dean said before opening the beers he had brought and handing one to Castiel, "how long have you lived here with your wife?" Dean asked as soon as they had sat down.

"Wife? I'm not married?"

"Oh sorry, girlfriend."

"I'm… I… I don't have a girlfriend." Castiel said before taking a sip of the beer. Dean looked at him with wide eyes, "What? You serious?"

"Yeah, why are you surprised? I don't really date." Castiel asked with a slight tilt to his head.

"Well, I… I just guessed, I don't know…" Dean said slightly embarrassed but inside he was slightly happy and hopeful. He liked Castiel the first time they bumped into each other, he had a calming atmosphere around him yet he seemed mysterious. The way he acted and the way his eyes shone with life made Dean intrigued.

"What about you?"

"Just me and my Sammy," He said, "Sam's my brother." Dean corrected quickly, not wanting to give Castiel the wrong idea.

"Oh, okay." Castiel replied and a silence followed. Neither of them were sure of what to say, they didn't want to seem to invasive by asking too many personal questions or seem too standoff by not talking. Dean wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans and stole a glance at Castiel who was staring at the blade of grass- which had made Dean start to laugh.

"W-what? D-did I do something?"

But Dean couldn't stop laughing which made Castiel start to laugh too, whatever Dean Winchester did was contagious. The soft breeze cooled down their flushed faces and a sip of beer had quenched their thirst from the laughing.

"Was the grass that interesting?" Dean teased before opening another beer and Castiel flushed slightly but hid it by taking a swing of his beer. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "Shut up Dean, um, I should go. Thanks for the beer." Castiel said getting up quickly when he felt his heartbeat picking up slightly.

"Wait-"

Dean held on to Castiel's hand longer than he was supposed to but Castiel didn't do anything, he just gripped Dean's hands but shied away from the taller man's eyes. Dean's hands were larger than Castiel however softer and smoother than the blue eyed man who had scars on his hands from the years of hunting.

"Yeah, same um, see you around Castiel." Dean stuttered slightly before letting go of Castiel's hand, he hadn't expected his hands to be that rough. Looking at the appearance of Castiel, he wondered how he had managed to have such rough hand for such a kind and gentle man.

"Dean," Castiel said turning around, he gripped the strap of his bag, "You shouldn't… you shouldn't get to close to me."

Dean looked at him in confusion, "You leaving or something?"

Castiel looked at the grass again, "Soon."

Dean smiled and walked over to Castiel, "Well, since you're leaving soon then the more reason to get closer to you. I'm quite a persistent person Cas." He grinned cheekily, ruffling Castiel's hair which made Castiel giggle. He waved to Dean and started to walk away a smile plastered on his face.

'_Maybe… just this time, I'll be selfish… Just this one time.'_

* * *

**A/N: hello everyone, another update! Hope you like this chapter! Dean and Cas getting closer How are you all liking this story? Leave a review about your predictions and any guesses of what's going to happen, I'd love to see what you think. I'd like to thank ****LilyBot**** for always reviewing my story and ****LordPeanut ****for being an awesome friend **

**I've watched Divergent this weekend, what did you think of the movie if you watched it? I thought it was alright, although it could have been better to be honest but it was a long movie. I love Caleb and Four (urgh so hot) and Tris, I love Shailene Woodly so much and I'm so excited she's going to be in the fault in our stars along with Ansel Elgort. I hope the movie will be brilliant. **

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter and stay tuned for the next one! Don't forget to leave a review if you like, thank you!**

**xx**


	4. Chapter 3

The life in that town proved to Dean Winchester that he was not meant for the routine, apple pie, white picket fenced life. True that his family was not what the average family would look like, both his parents were deceased and he wasn't living in a suburban house with a yard and a dog, he lived in a small apartment with just him and his little brother. But the routine was what he got bored of. He would send Sam to school, go to work, hit the pub, go home and back in bed. The same routine every day, the same scenery every day and seeing the same faces every day soon got tiring. It made him exhausted to even smile and wave at the same people every day. It was like as if routine had slowly chipped his livelihood away and bit by bit he slowly had found himself a victim to the boring life that he never wanted to live. Adventure was what he wanted, perhaps not even adventure but _something_, he wasn't sure what he wanted but he didn't want this.

"I'll wait till Sam heads off to college; I'll finally be free of this place." He said, taking a sip of his beer and watching the man in front of him. Dean and Castiel had often sat in boredom with a beer in their hands unsure of what to do, they'd simply talk about things drinking cheap beer in the isolated space of the park-away from any form of human life. It was just the two of them, the two bored people in this small town and they were itching to get out.

"Why don't you leave anyways? Why stay here if you're so bored of it?" Dean asked Castiel, he had never asked the blue eyed man why he had stayed here when clearly he was bored as hell. He wondered what could have drawn this man to such a place, for Dean it was Sam and how he wanted him to have a _normal_ life after what had happened to their family but for Castiel… he had always wondered why suffer in this boring town when he could be… _free._

"I've had enough fun in my lifetime Dean." Castiel answered simply without a pause. It was an answer that he gave to everyone when they had asked and no one questioned him about it. They simply nod as if they understood and continued mindlessly talking about trivial matters.

"Well, tell me a few of your stories then." Dean said, resting his chin on his hand and looking straight into Castiel's eyes. He noticed a flicker of panic- his eyes widen slightly then looked away for a second before he looked back at Dean's eyes.

"Well, it's difficult to explain."

"I've got time."

Castiel sighed but then chuckled; Dean was not lying when he said he was persistent. He often found Dean's confidence comforting, seeing as he did not ask or initiated small talk like the rest of the townsfolk. He asked whatever he wanted and to some extent it was refreshing.

"Well, I travelled around a lot doing… odd jobs here and there with my brother. It was just us, free to move wherever we wanted. We could… go anywhere whenever, it was almost freeing and satisfying in a way that we weren't bound to anything you know?" Castiel said, he soon found that Dean's gaze was somewhat penetrating. His eyes bore into his own and sent chills down his spine- although Castiel dismissed it as the chills being an effect of the wind. He looked away, hoping to escape from his stare but soon found it somewhat comforting; it had been a while since anyone was even remotely this interested in anything he had to say.

"The odd jobs were… tough, we got hurt a lot but soon we got really good at it but nothing good ever lasts and something happened and we went separate ways- me and my brother," Castiel said before looking at Dean's surprised eyes, "I… It's not what you think, we weren't doing anything _**bad**_." Castiel quickly said. Dean's eyes soften and let out a laugh, "Good, I thought you went around murdering people, you don't seem like you could even kill a fly Cas."

Castiel chuckled, 'I wonder if you even know how wrong you are Dean.' He thought but he didn't say anything, instead he rubbed his arms hoping to get some heat in them- the soft wind and the light, after rain dampness had made him get chills.

"You cold?" Dean asked, Castiel shook his head, "No, not so much. We should get back, it's quite dark."

Dean looked at the sky and, where did the time go?

A smile crept up his face, true that the town was boring and being here a month he was already sick of it but he did admit there was some sort of beauty to the town. In the city where he had lived, the sky was always clouded by pollution and there was never a time where there was peace or quiet. But in this town, he could see the stars so clearly, it seemed like the hideousness of the world didn't touch this place. Unaffected by the rest of the world, this town was protected in a bubble, preserving the long lost peace that he had almost forgotten how to appreciate.

"Yeah, where did the time go huh? I'll walk you back." He said, getting up from his seat and tearing his eyes from the sky.

"It's fine, I don't want to disturb you."

"I'm not giving you much of a choice; I'll walk with you even if you say no Cas." He smirked as he watched Castiel's cheeks flushed a tint of red before he nodded at Dean and they started to walk back.

It was a silence between them that Dean wasn't sure if it was awkward or soothing. They were walking quite close to each other and every few steps their hands would ever so softly graze one another and when it did Castiel or Dean would draw back their hand away from the other's, although they would let it fall back to place after a few steps.

"Well, thank you." Castiel said when they arrived in front of his building, Dean sighed mentally, cursing the short walk.

"Yeah, no problem," He muttered before having the courage to look at Castiel and noticed how flushed his face was, "Cas."

"What?"

Castiel could smell his cologne from how close they were standing from each other. It was Dean's cologne, combined with something musky, like the smell of damp rain and car oil from his work. It was comforting. He didn't notice that Dean was slowly closing the space between them and suddenly the chill from the atmosphere was gone, replaced with a heat that radiated from his own body and soon he felt the coolness of Dean's fingertips brushing against his heated cheeks- it seemed to have made him even more heated.

His eyes were fixed onto Dean's lips as they drew closer to his, smelling and almost tasting the beer that they had drank together not long ago.

"Dean…" Castiel whispered before the door behind him slammed open.

"Cas!"

The two men sprung apart and quickly, Castiel turned around to see who had called his name but he already knew who. He saw a familiar face that had begun to fade in his memory but upon seeing the taller man standing in the door frame it had brought a smile to his face although he was slightly annoyed. He sprung into the arms of the blue eyed man and breathed in a familiar smell.

"Balthazar."

"Cas, it's been a while."

* * *

**A/N: Hello everyone, this is another chapter. I hope you like it, things moving along for Dean and Cas huh? Tell me if you think it's too fast, I don't think this will be a very long story to be honest. What did you think of the chapter? Please review I'm thinking of updating once every week if I can manage (I have exams coming up soon so please excuse me while I cry every day from the stress.) Balthazar is such a meanie, blocking some Destiel action ;) Hope you liked this chapter and leave a review. 3**

**xx**


	5. Chapter 4

'_Okay, this is awkward.' _Dean thought, he was standing looking at Castiel in the embrace of some man he didn't know, he assumed his name was Balthazar since that was what Castiel called him. It left him wondering what an odd name that was, he had never heard or knew anyone who had that name. He stood there staring at the two men with a uncomfortable feeling in his chest and no matter how much he tried to ignore it, it didn't go away.

Oh crap Dean Winchester was jealous.

He closed his eyes and counted to 3, hoping it would help him calm down and for the feeling to go away but it remained as he silently cursed the man for interrupting.

"Dean! I'm so sorry, this is Balthazar, my brother." Castiel said, turning around while the man swung his arms around the shorter man.

"Oh, hey, I'm Dean Winchester, Cas's friend." He said to the man. He was trying to find a resemblance between the two but nothing clicked. Castiel had blue eyes and dark brown hair while the other man had dirty blond hair and lighter blue-grey eyes. They were the complete opposite and he wondered how they could be brothers.

"Nice to meet you Dean." Balthazar said, gripping Dean's hands tightly.

… He's British? Dean was officially confused but gave him a smile, "I should probably go and give you two sometime. See you around Cas." He said, pausing for a second while he looked at Castiel. Should he give him a hug like he always did or wave, it was awkward because his brother was there. He simply gave Cas a smile and a wave before making his way back home.

Balthazar chuckled before ruffling Castiel's hair, "Well, he's cute."

Castiel softly punched his arm and walked into the building quickly, trying to hide his growing blush. The two made their way up the stairs, talking aimlessly although the presence of his brother had made Castiel nervous and his palms sweaty. The atmosphere around them was no longer light and loving as it was before when Dean was there, it was constrained and almost suffocating. They finally reached Castiel's room before Castiel closed the door behind him and locked it before turning his attention to his brother.

"Alright Balthazar, how the hell did you find me and what the fuck do you want?' He said, the cheerfulness was gone and replaced with annoyance and anger. The usual cheerful emotion that was always plastered on Castiel's face was gone and replaced with one that was cold and on the brink of outrage.

"Cas, please just stop," Balthazar sighed, running his hands through his hair and sat down on the worn out couch, "I… I'm sorry, can you please just sit down?"

Castiel hesitated before slowly making his way towards the man and on the seat opposite him and taking a good look at him.

It had been so long since he saw Balthazar, he couldn't even remember how many years since he last saw him anymore. He looked tired, unlike the young Balthazar who was always grinning and laughing and making stupid jokes or annoying everyone with his sarcasm and wit the man in front of him looked tired and worn out. Age was starting to show physically on the man, there were wrinkles near his eyes and forehead that weren't there before but he was still a handsome man.

"I… I miss you Cas and… at first I didn't know why you left me Cas, fuck, I couldn't even sleep because of it. I missed my brother…" he gulped, trying to hold back the tears that were blurring his vision, "I missed my brothers Cas and I know you still blame yourself for his death but I couldn't figure out why you left, I mean, I was never the smart one so it took quite a while to figure out but now I get it. You've always had too much heart Cas, you cared so much about everything and everyone and when you made that fucking stupid deal… you pushed everyone away and just left… it was because you didn't want to hurt us right?" He said, looking at Castiel who wouldn't meet his eyes, his eyes fell to the ground as silence grew between the two men.

Balthazar was right but Castiel couldn't find his voice, he just stared at the ground while the silence grew even more and all they heard was the slight thumping of the floorboards upstairs and the ticking of the clock.

"Balthazar… I'm… You shouldn't be here… I don't want you to be there when I…" Castiel mumbled, his hands fidgeting with the frayed hem of his sweater, he jumped when he felt the other man's hands on his own and looked up to see the familiar face so close to his.

"If you cut all ties with us… then why were you going to kiss that Winchester guy?"

Castiel winced and looked down, he didn't know the answer himself. His excuse was that he had the right to be selfish just this once but each night before he fell asleep he knew he shouldn't pursue the relationship. He had hoped they were only going to be mere acquaintances but without him knowing it turned to something so else he had not wanted yet he longed for.

He _liked_ Dean Winchester.

He liked him in a way that he had never liked anyone before and just being close to him had made him happy, his cheeks were always rosy and he felt butterflies in his stomach and even though he knew him only for such a short time there was a connection, like a profound bond. He knew he shouldn't. Castiel had come to this town to be alone and not make any strong connections, he didn't want to hurt anyone but here he was, rebelling against his own rules.

"I… I don't know," He whispered, barely finding the courage to answer Balthazar, "I don't want to hurt him Bal."

Balthazar pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him, something he had missed doing for so long. Tears had formed in Castiel's eyes, he tried to force them to go away but the soothing smell of Balthazar and how he rubbed his back had weakened him and the tears rushed out, wetting the Balthazar's shirt. He didn't mind nor did he care about the tear soaked patch on his shirt or how Castiel was clinging on to him so hard he almost couldn't breathe, it was good enough to have Castiel in his arms again and at that moment, that was all he cared about.

* * *

Dean had tried calling Castiel the next morning, wondering if he was feeling up for lunch but after missed calls he gave up. It was unusual for Castiel not to answer his phone but he brushed it off, he must have been spending time with his brother. Dean finished work earlier than expected, he was good with cars and the owner was pleased with him- he was quick, easy-going and didn't complain, so the owner adored him.

"Dean right?"

He turned around to see Balthazar emerging from the alley with a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth, "I'm Cas's brother, Balthazar."

"Oh yeah, hey, Is Cas with you?" Dean asked, trying to sound casual but was worried- he was hoping that the reason why Castiel didn't answer his phone was because he was with his brother.

"Oh, Cas's down ill so I'm just walking around town for a bit."

"Oh."

Balthazar took a long drag from his cigarette before blowing it out, "I can see you're wondering how Cas and I are brothers huh?"

"How did you know?"

"I'm good at reading people." Balthazar smirked, taking another drag before offering Dean some. Dean wasn't much of a smoker, he preferred alcohol but he didn't want to just stand there and seemed awkward, he wasn't sure why but he suddenly didn't know what to do with his hands- it was due to the fact that he found Balthazar's stare intense, he didn't know why.

"We're not related by blood. We lived in the orphanage and we became brothers, used to be the three of us but now it's just two," He said, dropping the cigarette on the ground and taking out another one, "Now you're wondering what happened."

"Y-You don't have to tell me, I don't want to intrude."

"Cas never told you?"

Dean paused, he had known Castiel for over a month, maybe even two but he never really talked about his family. Until now he didn't even know that Castiel lived in an orphanage, whenever the topic of family came up he diverted to another topic and Dean just shrugged it off. He was always curious but didn't want to press him for details- he didn't want to make him angry.

"It was me, Cas and Gabe or Gabriel and Anna. We all lived in the same orphanage and we became brother. You're wondering about the accent huh?" He chuckled and watched as Dean blush slightly in embarrassment, "My father was British and my mother was American, I lived in England for a bit before moving here and then my parents died, I didn't have anyone who would take me in so I ended up at an orphanage and because of that I always believed that the bond of blood is never as strong as the bond of love. Me, Cas, Gabe and Anna… strangely we were all the same age so when we turned 18… we left. We got what little we had, said fuck you to the orphanage and just left and man, it felt fucking amazing. Anna died a year after we left and Gabe died a year after her- we were 20, that was the trigger for Cas and he just left, took me a long time to find out why he left me."

Dean was silent, unsure of what to say. He was scared that he would sound to insensitive but he looked at Balthazar, "Why? Why did he leave you?"

Balthazar chuckled, "Cas always had too much heart Dean, he cared too much. He was devastated when Anna died and even more so when Gabe died, I guess he just didn't want to hurt me. He never really healed after Anna's death and when Gabe died... he wasn't the same, it's been 9 years and I still think he hasn't fully healed."

"But… how could he have hurt you? I don't understand… Would Cas get angry at you for telling me this? He never told me anything so I thought he wanted to keep it a secret or something."

"I wanted to tell you if I don't, you'll never know. I see something Dean, like I said, I'm very good at reading people and I know you care about him and he cares about you, probably more than you both know. I want my brother to be happy Dean, I think you can make him very happy."

Balthazar dropped his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it before smiling at Dean, making his way out of the slightly damp alley, he paused and turned around, looking at Dean.

"Don't worry, you'll understand everything when it's time."

* * *

**A/N: Hello everything hope you liked this chapter! I have holidays for about 2 weeks now so I'm quite happy, hopefully I'll be able to write more but then I have exams soon after the holidays end so I have to study, urgh. I always thought Balthazar was kind of a bad ass kind of guy so I pictured him smoking too, don't know why, I just did and I'm happy you guys liked that Balthazar is in the story, he's always been my favourite character and he's also Cas's brother in the old version of this story.**

**What did you guys think of this chapter? Did you like it? Did you not like it? Review please, reviews make me very, very happy haha, I love reading them and if you have any critiques please write them down just don't be plain mean. There's a difference between constructive criticisms and being plain old mean **

Family-and-free-will: Thanks so much I'm happy you liked the Dean in this story and Balthazar and his bad timing ;)

LilyBot: Thanks again for the reviews I think you've reviewed all my stories actually so thanks sooo much. In the show Dean and Cas are sometimes pretty awkward so I wanted to put that kind of feeling into the story : )

LordPeanut: Woah, you said that you thought I was going to go with Gabe and BAM Gabe's also Cas's brother :O Hahaha and thanks chica, trying to update once a week but I'll see how that works out because of exams and shit.

**Thanks again for reading, leave a review and until next time :D**

**Oh, if you're confused about the age, i'm making Cas and Balthazar 29 years old while Dean is 23 and Sam is 18- finishing his last year of high school. Anna died when she was 19 and Gabriel when he was 20, just wanted to make that clear just in case there is any confusion :) **

**xx**


	6. Chapter 5

_**10 years ago**_

Lights flickered on and off much to the annoyance of the man sitting on the worn out couch taking long drags from his cigarette. His feet were resting on the coffee table and he let out a sigh which echoed in the empty apartment. He rubbed his eyes with hand and tried to massage his own neck, attempting to get rid of his aching muscles. After changing the flickering light bulb he sat down and grinned, looking around the apartment before his head turned towards the clicking noise at his door.

"I'm home!"

He smiled at figure he saw walking towards the kitchen with bags of groceries in her arms. She was beautiful. She was pale but her paleness only made her dark red hair brighter and more noticeable, it reminded him of fire. She turned around and smiled at him, "Balthazar, hey. Where's Cas and Gabe?"

"They'll be back with dinner, how was work?" He asked, she jumped on the couch with and playfully snatched the cigarette from his hand, "Boring as ever. My boss's an asshole, I swear everyone in that office is an idiot," She said, rolling her eyes before reaching into the pocket at the back of her jeans, "But for us… that's a good thing."

In her hand was a wad of money which made Balthazar return her Cheshire cat-like grin, "How much you got?"

"200 bucks, you?" she asked before pouting at Balthazar who pulled out a thicker stash than what she had, "400 bucks, you're getting sloppy Annie." Balthazar grinned, ruffling her hair while she playfully punched his arm and pouted- she didn't like it when he called her Annie.

"Holy shit Balthazar, how the fuck did get so much?"

"What can I say? I'm a pro."

The two of them heard the door click and walked in two men, one was shorter than the other. The shorter man had dark brown hair and light skin although the dark hair had made his blue eyes shine even brighter. The other man had light brown hair and plastered on his face was a cheeky smile that travelled to his hazel eyes.

"Hey, food's here." Gabriel, the light brown haired man said before sitting on the hard wooden floor and taking boxes of food out of the bag. He paused and looked at Balthazar, who was playfully rubbing the wad of money in front of Gabriel's face.

"Holy fuck Bal." Gabriel murmured, counting the money in his hands before placing it in a pile on the table.

"I know, I'm a fucking pro."

Castiel let out a chuckle before reaching in the back pocket of his jeans and pulling out a few 50 notes and putting it in the pile in the middle of the table, "I think we should make the rent, Anna, how's that creepy boss of yours?"

"Urgh, don't even remind me. He keeps looking at me."

"I'm sure you like that Annie." Gabriel joked before rubbing his arm where Anna slapped him lightly and stuck her tongue out at them in a childish manner. The four of them burst out laughing before digging into their dinner.

They were all living together in a small apartment, Castiel, Balthazar and Gabriel sharing one large room while Anna had the smaller room. Their apartment was once worn out, dim and sometimes damp from the leaking pipes and walls but for some reason they liked it and so they scraped together the money and brought it. Initially they had no idea why they had brought it, it wasn't suited to live and it looked like the place had been through rough times but the apartment was very much like them. The apartment was unwanted, ruined, cold was ill treated by the past tenant but now, it had new owners who would rebuild it and so they did. Through the year that they lived in the apartment they renovated it, fixed the leaking pipes and the cracked walls, painted over the grey, dullness that was the colour palette of the apartment. They were happy together and even if it meant that they were squished inside the small apartment or yelled at each other over who gets to use the bathroom, they loved it. It brought them closer to each other and some nights they would go up to the roof and sit on the dusty floor, watching the stars, without saying a word they grew closer.

They were a family, they had each other and that was all they ever wanted.

* * *

Castiel let out a long yawn, pulling a shirt over his head and slipping into a pair of boxers. He felt refreshed after his shower and it had been a tough week. Each one of them were working hard, Balthazar at his bar tending job, Gabriel was a waiter, Anna at her office job and Castiel worked in the library. They all attempted working overtime to get more pay, they had spent their money on bills and groceries and everything else that they needed, they usually barely had anything left. He opened a can of beer and sat on the worn out couch, feeling the springs pressing into his back but he didn't really care- he was exhausted.

"Hey Cas? Has Anna called you yet?"

He turned around to look at the clock, _11:30pm_, it was odd that Anna wasn't home yet. She said she'd be back at 10 but they simply assumed she was caught up in work as she always was. She wouldn't be this late without giving one of them a call. It was a rule. They were family, they looked out for one another.

"No… She hasn't. Bal! Has Anna called you?!" Castiel yelled out at Balthazar who emerged from the kitchen, a cigarette between his lips, "No… why, she isn't here?"

"No she isn't. I'm going to get dressed, we should go look for her." Castiel said, rushing into his room and throwing on his clothes as fast as he could before the three of them rushed out of the door. Castiel was going to her workplace while Balthazar and Gabriel looked nearby.

"Anna!" Castiel yelled, panting hard trying to get more oxygen, he was out of breath from running as fast as he could and the fact that he was worried about Anna wasn't helping- he could feel his hands shake as he slammed his fists on the office door, "Anna! Hello? Is anyone there?!"

"Um, excuse me? The office is closed." A woman said, looking at Castiel with caution and she made sure that there was a distance between them. From her perspective, he looked deranged, his hair was a messy and his skin pale. He was breathing so heavily that he leaned against the door and placed his hand over his chest, trying to calm down his rapid heartbeat. Castiel tried to peer inside the office but the binds were closed and every entrance was locked.

"Anna, she's my sister. Have you seen her? Red hair, tall, pale skin?" he begun to rapidly describe her to the woman paused and smiled, "Ah yes I saw her at work today! Lovely girl might I say? She stayed back to work on some papers she had, such a hardworking girl. I think she said she was leaving at around 9, I'm not too sure…" She said before Castiel took off sprinting out of the building, "Anna!"

"Cas! Did you find her?"

Castiel shook his head as Gabriel and Balthazar ran up to him, trying to catch their breath. The three of them turned pale, they didn't know what to do anymore, they had checked everywhere yet they couldn't find her. Castiel's begun to feel as if he was suffocating, god… he was having a panic attack. His vision begun to darken, his legs felt weak and his breath grew shorter and shorter, "We… We have to find her… police?"

"Cas… Cas look at me," Gabriel said, his arm securely around his bod, propping him up against his own body and forced his face upwards so he could look at his face, "We'll find her okay? You need to calm down."

Castiel nodded, taking deep breaths while slowly leaving the support of Gabriel. The three of them didn't know what to do, they stood still in the dark street unsure what their next move would be but soon decided to go to the police. The three of them started to run but suddenly Castiel paused in front of an alley, his breath hitched, his eyes widen and a sick feeling was forming in his stomach.

"You okay Cas?" Balthazar asked, concern about the other man who had suddenly stopped in front of an alley, they could see his hands trembling and the street lights illuminated the fear in his eyes. The two men ran over to Castiel and paused, Gabriel's legs collapsed and he fell to the ground while Balthazar ran towards the figure that they were looking at.

"Anna!"

In the dark alleyway, Anna's body laid face down. Her red hair sprawled in the mud while her face much paler than it usually was- as if all the blood was drained from her body. The figure standing in front of her growled as it looked up from her body. Balthazar could see it was a man and as he stood up slowly Balthazar felt fear rushed through him- the man in front of him wasn't human.

He was pale, strangely pale, and almost translucent and as the moonlight shone on the man he could see veins decorating his skin. He snarled at Balthazar, showing the animalistic, sharp teeth that emerged from his gums, he grinned at the shaking man in front of him before bringing his hand into view. Normal fingernails turned into sharp claws and as he took a step forward towards Balthazar, Balthazar tried to take a step back but was paralysed with fear. What was this… this _thing?_ It was inhuman, he looked at Anna who weakly moved her lips, her panic filled eyes looking at Balthazar weakly, he finally he realised what she was trying to say.

_Run_

Before he realised it, in a blink of an eye the man shoved Balthazar against the wall, his arms against Balthazar's throat as the man struggled under his inhuman strength, "I'm very lucky today aren't I? First that pretty little thing and now you… Don't worry… it won't hurt… you and your little friends will be my dinner and I can tell that you will be the most delicious out of all of them…" he whispered to the man that was struggling underneath his grasp, the strange man licked Balthazar's neck slowly and the coldness of the man's tongue sent chills down his spine. He could feel his sharp teeth slowly graze in skin but no matter how hard he hit the man he didn't flinch. The grip on his throat got tighter and Balthazar tried to pry the man's hands away from his neck but it didn't make a difference- his grip was too strong. He could feel his vision darken and his body started to get weaker, he was suffocating.

Suddenly Balthazar dropped to the ground, gasping for much needed air, his hands holding his own neck taking large gasps of air. The man fell to the ground, his hand clutching the knife that was stuck in the side of his neck. He grasp it and pulled it out of his skin and growled at the blue eyed man who was standing above him and suddenly the strange man jumped up and punched Castiel and Gabriel, sending them against the wall with a loud thud.

"You little shit." He grunted, pulling the knife out and cracking his knuckles, "You think that's going to kill me?"

"What the hell are you?" Gabriel wheezed, wincing in pain as he tried to get up.

He smirked and grinned, showing him his jagged teeth, "I'm a vampire you little mundane humans… You know what? I'm going to be merciful. I'll let you live…" He whispered, glancing at Anna and started to walk towards her.

"Don't.. Don't you fucking touch her!" Balthazar yelled but the three men found that they were unable to move, fear had immobilised them.

"Or what? You'll kill me?" The man let out a laugh and lifted Anna by her red hair before putting his hand on her neck and traced her face with his long nails, "What a pity, pretty little thing she is. Well, I'm too full for any more blood. Thanks for the dinner beautiful." He whispered. Anna's feet were lifted from the ground, her arms limp by her sides but they could all see tiny tremors and they could see in her eyes she was terrified, she was flickering between consciousness and unconsciousness. The man made a small movement of his hand they heard a loud crack and her body fell limp in his arms.

He let a smirk at the cries of the three brothers before disappearing, they scrambled and crawled towards her body, hands shaking they pushed her hair out of her face. They could see the veins pushing underneath her pale skin, the expression of fear was still plastered on her face and they could see her tear stained cheeks.

Anna was dead.

Their family was broken.

"I'll fucking kill him… I'll fucking kill him…" Gabriel muttered, clutching on to her cold limp hand as his two brothers stared at Anna. He clenched on to her cold, pale hand and brought it up to his face, "God… Anna…"

"We'll kill him."

Gabriel looked up to see which of his brothers had said that. He could see Balthazar crying hard, gasping for as much as he could while Castiel was silent. His face had an expression that Gabriel had never seen before, his eyes cold and unwavering although tears still fell, his lips pursed into a thin line and his hands clenched in a fist.

"We're a family Gabe, we stick together. We'll find him… and we'll fucking kill him. We'll fucking kill all of them."

* * *

**A/N: Whew, another chapter! Now you guys know a little about their past, they were normal but Anna died because of a vampire and now they're going to hunt him down! This is when they become hunters after Anna's death. This is the chapter where Cas changes because of Anna's death! What are your opinions about this chapter? I'm on holidays so I have more time to write more chapters, although I'll also be studying so…. Maybe I won't have ****that**** much time but at least I have no school! Haha, hope you liked it, leave a review!**

**Reviews make me very, VERY happy : ) **

**PS: I'm writing another fanfiction (i'm in the writing mood!) it's a Harry Potter fanfiction set in the Marauder era, it's an OC fanfiction so if you guys would like to check it out... that would be awesome. Thank you : )**

** s/10256064/1/Defiance**

**xx**


	7. Chapter 6

**Present Day**

* * *

Castiel was woken up by a light, gentle shake. His blue eyes slowly flickered open, "Bal?"

"Come on, let's get some dinner."

"What time is it?"

"6pm."

Castiel shot up from his bed, "What? You let me sleep for the entire day?!"

Balthazar shrugged, "You seemed tired, I thought you should rest. It's not like you have anything to do anyway, you don't even work."

Castiel groaned and stumbled out of bed, "True but I don't want to sleep whole day."

He walked into the bathroom and stripped out of crumpled clothes and stepping into the hot shower that he hoped would wake him up. After a quick wash, he dried himself off and put on fresh clothes which were always the same- a t-shirt and jeans. He liked simplicity; he was a simple man after all.

"Cas, I need to talk to you."

"What is it?"

He saw Balthazar hesitate, his eyes couldn't quite meet Castiel's eyes before the words stumbled out of Balthazar's mouth that made Castiel stiffen, his eyes although not angry, they were cold, "I need you to hunt again."

"Why?"

"I'm tracking this… this _thing_… it's trying to build an army Cas. You've been out of the hunting business for so long you probably don't know this but it's _bad_ Cas. It's like… the demons; they're trying to start a rebellion or something and this thing… I faced him once and that's how I got this." Balthazar pulled up his shirt slightly to show his brother the long gash across his abdominal area. It was a dark, brown scar that looked like the scar had been initially an extremely deep cut- Castiel wince, trying not to imagine what that would have felt like.

"His name is Furcas, I've researched everything I could about him but I don't have much. He's the knight of hell and I don't know what's going on in hell but it seems like he's trying to rebuild his 20 legions of demons or whatever the fuck he's trying to rule. If we kill him, they'll go away. Cas, I know you don't want to do this but I _need_ you, I can't do this alone Cas."

"No."

Balthazar looked at his brother and Castiel knew what he was thinking. He could tell his brother was disappointed in him, perhaps even angry but he was sad yet he understood why Castiel didn't want to go back to the life he once had. It was a hard life, it was life threatening and after so many years he wasn't sure if he could be as good as he was before. The nightmares never really left him, it started when Anna died and when they would go hunting but when Gabriel died, the nightmares got worse. They haunted him so badly that some nights he could no longer fall back asleep; he was curled up in the blanket, drenched in cold sweat and pinching his skin to remind him that it was all a dream. Slowly as he settled into this peaceful town the nightmares did not haunt him so often anymore, although at times he would find himself back in the corner trying to remind himself that it was all just a nightmare.

"I can't, why don't you get someone else?"

"You know they aren't as good as you Cas."

"I haven't hunted in years."

"It doesn't leave you Cas. When you get back in the swing of things you'll be fi-"

"NO!"

Balthazar jumped at Castiel's voice. Castiel gulped, he didn't mean to raise his voice but he couldn't help but clench his fists in anger, his whole body trembling with rage and fear. He didn't want to go back to hunting, he was frightened. When he hunted, he was cruel, emotionless and heartless. He found pleasure in torture and killing, he liked the feeling when his blade slowly tore into the skin of the monsters.

"I… I can't… I can't go back to that, Bal… don't go after this thing… I can't lose you; I don't want to be alone…"

Balthazar was quiet and he gently held on to the trembling hands of his brother, "Balthazar… I need to, I need to go after this thing even if it kills me. If I don't, if it succeeds in getting its army who knows what they'll do to this earth."

"I can't… I can't, god… I need to get out of here."

Castiel ran out of his apartment, ignoring the Balthazar's yell. He ran as hard as he could and as fast as his legs could take him. He needed to get away, he needed to be alone. He stopped at the park, leaning against the tree breathing heavily and he slid down sitting on the grass.

_Calm down… You won't go back Castiel… You'll never go back no matter what._

His hands trembled; they haven't stopped since he left. He wanted to go back with Balthazar; he wanted to go back to hunting- it was like an addiction to him. When he killed those monsters, the feeling of power rushed through his body, blood pumping through his veins and he was on a high. It was a drug that gave him an incredible high. He was afraid, if he went back now could he stop and come back to a normal life?

"Cas?"

He looked up, surprised to see a smiling face staring at him, the man's green eyes shined under the street lamp. The man jogged towards him, "What are you doing sitting here all alone in the dark? Hey, what's wrong?" Dean asked in concern, noticing his trembling hands.

"It's… it's nothing."

"God, your hands are freezing, come on, let's get something warm to drink."

Dean helped Castiel get up and propped him against his body for support and the two men walked to the nearest diner where Castiel had suddenly noticed he was cold, he desperately tried to grasp the warmth the mug of hot chocolate radiated.

"Jesus Cas, you should at least worn a jacket. Um, 2 cheese burgers please." Dean ordered before turning his attention to the man sitting in front of him. His hands slowly stop trembling and colour formed as he sipped the hot drink.

"What happened Cas? You okay?"

"Yeah… I'm fine… I just had a disagreement with my brother."

Dean nodded and left the topic, clearly sensing that Castiel didn't want to talk about it further. He smiled and changed the topic, "You know, I come here, that waitress always asks about you."

Castiel raised his eyebrow in confusion, glancing at the waitress who was staring at him, when his eyes met hers she blushed and looked away. She was an average girl, her brown hair tied up in a ponytail while her brown eyes still couldn't quite meet Castiel's blue eyes- she looked like a nice girl, the perfect girl-next-door.

"I… I'm not interested."

"Cas? How long has it been since you've been on a date?"

"Um… 9 years?"

Dean choked on his drink before grabbing tissues and staring at Castiel in shock, "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I don't really go on dates."

"Why not? You're a good looking guy,"

Castiel felt heat slowly crept up his neck and onto his face; he stared at the table, sipping his drink trying to stop the blush that was clearly showing on his face. Dean let out a chuckle and thanked the waitress and took a bite on his burger. As they ate, they talked about small topics, weather, Sam, movies and music but never about Balthazar. Castiel suddenly froze, feeling Dean's foot brush against his leg, he dismissed it as an accident but the second and third time it happened, Castiel couldn't look at Dean- he was quite sure his face was bright red.

Dean quickly paid for the meal despite Castiel's protests, in the end, Castiel lost and walked out of the diner defeated. Castiel walked beside Dean, slightly glad for the darkness because he knew his face was still in a pink flush and he hoped the darkness hid it.

Castiel felt a warm hand grab his gently and he soon realised that Dean Winchester was holding hands with him. He looked at Dean confused but he just gave him a shrug and a smile, while they continued to walk to Castiel's apartment. Castiel pinched himself, wondering if this was a dream or real life but he knew that it wasn't a dream by the warmth that came from Dean's hands.

"Hey Cas?"

He jumped, snapping out of his thoughts while Dean let out a small laugh, "We're here."

"Oh. Oh, thanks Dean."

Castiel let go of Dean's warm hands, instantly wanting to hold his hands again. He missed the comforting warmth that he felt when Dean's hands were on his.

"Oh Cas?"

"Yeah?"

"I think we were disturbed the other time."

Dean smiled, leaning in towards Castiel, his hand resting on the nape of the Castiel's neck, giving the man goose bumps. His heart begun to race and he was sure his face was pink and before he realised it, Dean's lips were just mere centimetres from his. His mind told him to back away, not to get to close. He could be selfish enough to befriend Dean but this… this wasn't something he expected to happen, he couldn't hurt Dean like this. However he couldn't make his body move, despite what was going through his head, he wanted to kiss Dean and he closed the gap between them.

Castiel felt Dean's warm lips against his, sweet from the milkshake he had finished drinking earlier. He left his hands gently cup Dean's face as Dean rested his other hand on his waist, pushing their bodies closer. Castiel moved his lips against his as he felt Dean's hand travel into his hair, gently tugging on his hair that made Castiel moan softly against Dean's lips.

Castiel pulled apart, breathing slightly heavily, leaning his forehead on Dean's.

"Castiel…"

"I have to do… my brother is probably worried… Good night Dean." Castiel said quickly, pulling away from Dean's body and rushing into his apartment building, cursing himself for his lack of willpower towards Dean. Outside, Dean stood outside the building, still feeling Castiel's warmth lingering on his skin, still feeling the smell of Castiel's cologne around him and the feeling of his lips against his made butterflies formed in his stomach. He wished he could kiss Castiel longer, now that he had tasted him he wanted more but he begun to slowly walk away, wanting to go into his apartment and kiss him again but he decided against it.

Castiel let out a sigh and let himself into his room and noticed that Balthazar was waiting for him on the couch but had fallen asleep. Castiel walked towards him, pulling the blanket up to cover his body and stared at his brother's sleeping figure.

This was the few times in his life that Castiel wasn't sure what to do.

* * *

**A/N: I'm in the writing mood and I'm super excited to write this story! Furcas is actually a real demon and is the knight of hell but there isn't much information about him so I'll probably have to make some up. What do you think Castiel will do? Will he go with Balthazar or stay with Dean? Finally the kissed! Without Balthazar interrupting this time haha. Hoped you enjoyed this chapter, please review : ) Don't read and run, read and review! Let me know what you think so I can have motivation to write more! Reviews literally make me so happy and they're also my motivators. **

**New chapter will hopefully be posted soon**

**xx**


	8. Chapter 7

Castiel could not sleep that night.

He paced around the room, listening to the soft snores from the sleeping Balthazar. He finally stopped in front of a storage room and with hesitation put the key in, unlocked the door and opened it. He almost felt nostalgic although another feeling overcame the nostalgia. He wasn't sure if he felt sick or excited and his fingers slowly brushed against the walls of the room before flicking the switch, bringing light into the room.

The room was filled with weapons, shotguns placed on shelves and different knifes hung on the walls- the light making the metal shine beautifully and dangerously. He took a deep breath and felt the coldness of the knife, tracing the blade from the tip to the handle.

He came to this town to be away from the hunting life but yet he couldn't find himself to throw the weapons away so he locked them in the room and tried to put it in the back of his mind but he couldn't quite do that. The life and the memories would never leave him and the scars on his bodies, the nightmares always reminded him of the past that he so desperately tried to escape.

"You couldn't leave it behind huh."

He turned around to see Balthazar leaning against the door frame, running his hands through his messy hair. Castiel shied away from his eyes, "No… no one really does."

"When you run away from it… it always finds a way back to you. Cas, I don't want you to go… but I need you to come with me, we were the best in the business, no one could be as good as us and you know it."

Castiel couldn't help but agree with the man, they were the best hunters in America and amongst hunters they were placed on a pedestal. No one could beat them at their game; they were quick, efficient and fearless. But the hunting life damages Castiel and made him into a person he could not recognise, when he hunted, it was as if he became one of the monsters he killed. He manipulated, deceived and tortured them; he turned into a person without a soul- no emotions, no connections. He just did his job.

"Balthazar… I don't want to go back… I have a life here."

Balthazar sighed, "I guess I can't change your mind. I'll leave in the morning."

Balthazar left the room and went back to the couch, leaving Castiel alone in the room. He wondered, did he really have a life here? He didn't have a job, didn't have any friends. He was simply living a simple life until his time was up.

_No… He had Dean._

He finally knew why he refused to go back to that life; it was because of the Dean Winchester. He hadn't realised it until now that Dean made him calm, Dean made him value his life but Dean didn't know Castiel. Would he still be friends with him if he knew about his past? How he ruthlessly could kill without a single thought or remorse? If Castiel did go on this hunting job and came back, could he return back to the same Castiel that he was now? He wasn't sure.

Castiel knew he should back away from Dean, he was flying too close to the sun and he knew that he would get burnt into ashes in the end. But Dean had made him feel so _alive_, he felt… Castiel had never felt this _normal_ in such a long time.

He sighed, turning off the lights of the room and walked out.

* * *

_**(10 years ago)**_

"I know you're not telling me the truth!"

Balthazar yelled at the man sitting on the chair, his hands and legs tied tightly with rope, so tight that when he moved, he flinched at the pain that the ropes caused rubbing against his raw, bleeding skin. Around him was a circle of salt and spray painted was a circle with a stair inside it- the devils's trap.

The demon started to laugh at the three men standing in front of him. The rough hunting lifestyle had made them look older than they were- although they were still handsome men. Although their eyes looked exhausted and their bodies were prove that they were hunters, lean with muscle but droned with scars that each told a story.

"Leave the room."

Balthazar and Gabriel looked at Castiel who was standing with his arms across his chest, the two man looked wearily at each other and left the abandoned warehouse, standing outside the door leaving Castiel and the demon alone.

"Do you think we're playing a game here? You know about that fucking vampire so give us information or I'll make sure you wish you were back in hell."

"What can you do? You kill me, no information for you."

Castiel picked up a water bottle and stepped into the circle of salt, standing in the devil's trap in front of the demon. His face was bloody and Castiel could tell he felt weak- they had left him in the warehouse for 2 days without food or water.

"You must be thirsty. Drink."

Castiel uncapped the water and forcefully opened the demon's house, pouring the water into his mouth and quickly shut his mouth- making sure that he could not spit it out. The man tried to let out a scream, his body writhing while his eyes wide, almost begging Castiel to let him spit out the water. He was in excruciating pain, his mouth burnt like electricity was in his mouth and finally Castiel let go of his mouth and he coughed the water out of his mouth- it was red with blood.

"Holy water… fuck you." He muttered, still feeling the burn in his mouth which Castiel ignored. He took out a blade from its sheath that hung on the side of his hip and placed the cold blade against his neck, cutting his skin but the demon held back a scream.

Castiel poured the water over the fresh wound and now the demon could no longer hold in his scream. Outside the warehouse, Balthazar and Gabriel closed their eyes, trying to ignore the screams. Their face pale and a sick feeling formed before Gabriel left the door of the warehouse. Castiel was ruthless towards demons and everything in between. The few months of hunting had affected Castiel the most, he barely slept and barely ate. He was obsessed with finding the vampire that attacked Anna but when they found that there were other monsters out in the world he wanted to kill them all. His two brothers were worried about him and how much he had changed into someone they could no longer recognised as their fellow brother.

He was no longer Castiel. It was as if he had lost any humane emotions, he was an empty human shell without a soul and without a care.

Slowly, without realising it himself, he had turned into the monsters he was hunting.

* * *

_**(Present Day)**_

Balthazar woke up in the morning to an empty apartment. Castiel was gone, the weapon room was locked and he sighed. He packed his bag and made his way out of the small apartment before stopping at the door. In a frame was a photo of the 4 of them, Anna, Gabriel, Balthazar and Castiel. It was when they moved into their first apartment and he couldn't help but noticed how long it had been. They were so innocent, so happy back then but now… the family was broken.

He caught his reflection in the mirror, he had aged. Wrinkles had formed around his face; they were wrinkles from age, stress and exhaustion. He paused, it was hard to believe that he was even the same person in the photograph and for a second he wished he could go back in time to relive the life they once had. But he never wished for anything, he knew that no matter how hard he wished that it was all in vain, they couldn't go back to the way they once were.

He finally made his way down the apartment building and threw his bag into the back seat of the car and slid in the car. He was partially happy that Castiel did not come with him, he knew that when he returned to the hunting life he could never go back. He could see that at least he was happy here, danger would not reach him here but at the same time he knew that this would be the last time he would see his brother again. He wanted to say goodbye but he knew that Castiel wanted to be left alone. He was heading towards his own death.

Castiel would lose another family member again.

He was worried about what that would do to Castiel, he always cared too much about the people he loved and seeing the how he deteriorated at Anna's and Gabriel's death. He hoped that Dean would be there for him as comfort.

"Are you leaving without saying goodbye?"

Balthazar smiled, Castiel was standing outside his car with an expression that Balthazar could not read.

"I couldn't find you. I guess this is good bye huh?"

Castiel took a deep breath and opened the door and slid inside, "No."

"What?"

"I'm coming with you."

"I thought…"

"You thought wrong. I'm not sending my brother on a suicide mission… just… drive before I change my mind."

Balthazar started his car and left the town, he noticed that Castiel was quiet, staring at the reflection in the mirror of the vanishing town. He was leaving his life behind and Balthazar did not take notice of the tear that fell from Castiel's eyes.

"Did you say goodbye?"

Castiel nodded and roughly brush away the tears in his eyes and the two brothers continued driving in silence but the silence and the musky, familiar smell of Balthazar's car numbed the pain and sadness he felt watching the town slowly vanish from his sight.

"_You'll come back right? From your trip with your brother?" Dean asked and Castiel gave him a small smile returning Dean's hug. He almost couldn't bring himself to let go, he breathed in Dean's scent, trying to take in as much as he could and as soon as the two men pulled apart, Castiel could still feel Dean's warmth. _

"_Yeah. I'll see you soon Dean."_

_Castiel waved at Dean before walking away. _

_He was walking back to his old life but he wasn't sure if he could come back to be the Castiel that Dean knew. _

_He wasn't sure if he could come back to this town. _

_He had a feeling that he was digging his own, early grave._

* * *

**A/N: Another upload! I'm in such a mood to write again which I'm so happy about. Thanks everyone for the lovely reviews : ) Especially LilyBot and LordPeanut who reviewed most of the chapters consistently so thank you guys so much!**

**Read and Review! Don't read and run! (please review guys, reviews are literally my motivation and plus they make me super happy.)**

**New chapter soon!**

**xx**


	9. Chapter 8

Everything remained the same in the small town of North Willows. Life went on as usual. People went on with their jobs and lives, hardly noticing a certain blue eyed man was no longer in their town- except for 3 people: Dean and Sam Winchester and a certain waitress that had always had a soft spot for Castiel Novak.

Dean missed his friend, missing their conversations which was always much more interesting than the small, mundane chats he had with the other townsfolk. The younger Winchester had noticed his older brother had constantly kept his phone with him, checking it constantly before a look of disappointment be on his face before putting the phone in his pockets.

The younger Winchester had an intuition that his brother had something more than a friendship with the man he met only a few times and to be honest he didn't mind. Since he could remember, he was always tired of seeing the pretty young faces of girls leaving Dean's bedroom, usually their clothes crumpled and their faces flush red- makeup smeared and a hopeful look on their face hoping his older brother would continue to see them. They were all left disappointed. Dean never called the girls and Sam never saw the same face in their apartment twice.

"Just call him Dean."

Dean looked up from the takeout that he was eating, his face was blank for a second before he noticed that Sam was talking to him.

"What?"

"For God's sake Dean, you keep on looking at your phone hoping he'd call. Instead of waiting for him to make the move why don't you just make the first move?"

"Sam! It's not like that! We're just friends!"

Sam rolled his eyes, "Sure Dean, sure. Now hurry the fuck up and call him. I'm going out to a party, I'll be back late."

Sam hastily got up, his tall body towering over Dean as he packed up the boxes of food and quickly left the house, leaving Dean to sit alone on the couch looking at the phone on the coffee table. He picked it up and begun to type.

_Hey Cas, how's your trip with your brother? I'm missing you a lot, I guess it's pretty boring now that you're not here. Hope you come back soon._

_-Dean_

His thumb lingered over the _send_ button and quickly he erased the text.

_Hey, Castiel. It's Dean Winchester. How's your trip with you brother? Hope you come back soon, I think I'm starting to get Castiel-withdraws._

He shook his head once more, and deleted the message.

_Hi Cas._

He looked at the text and pressed send, cursing himself for sending such a short text and for acting like a tween girl giggling over sending a text to a boy that they liked.

'He did kiss me…' Dean thought, thinking back to a week ago when Castiel had sent him a text asking Dean to meet him at the park. He went, of course and that was when Castiel told Dean that he was going a trip with his brother. Dean didn't want him to go of course, knowing he was going to miss the man but his mind went blank when Castiel softly kissed him and waved him goodbye, leaving Dean sitting on the park bench with his mouth open looking like an idiot.

He looked at the phone but there was no reply.

"Fuck."

Dean noticed the time, it was already late. He had really spent a lot of time trying to come up with a good text- it was already midnight.

'He must be sleeping already…' He thought before heading towards the shower. He felt the hot water calm his nerves and soon, the message was at the back of his mind. He listened to the loud splatters of the shower and ignored the sound of the door opening and Sam's yell stating that he was home.

The phone that was sitting on his bed flashed.

_One new message: Castiel_

* * *

_**5 days ago**_

"Here's a case."

Balthazar said looking up from his computer screen. His younger brother was sitting in front of him with a, now, cold cup of coffee that he mindlessly sipped while reading the same page of the newspaper for the past 30 minutes.

"Cas."

"Huh?"

"Case. I thought it would be good for you to have a trial case… get back in the hang of things."

The younger man frowned at his older brother, he was just about to argue back but he knew he was right. He hadn't hunted for such a long time, years and he understood Balthazar's concern about him instantly taking on a large case. He sighed and nodded, "Yeah, where are we going?"

"It's actually in this town. Looks like a werewolf case. Couple of people have been murdered, hearts gone from their bodies- typical werewolf." Balthazar said, sipping his lukewarm tea which slid easily down his throat.

Castiel nodded and for the first time he took in the surroundings of the diner. There weren't many people and the customers were almost silent or they talked in whispers so soft he could barely hear. He could feel the tension in the air. He was truly out of practice- back in the days he would have noticed it straight away.

The two brothers quickly finished their drinks before going back to the motel and started to work on the Cas and after more research Balthazar gave Castiel a suit, badge and weapons before they headed off.

Castiel was starting to get used to it now, almost feeling nostalgic in the suit and at the routine that they went through in the next few days.

_Agent Thomas Miller_

The two 'FBI' agents were greeted warmly by the police force who did whatever they were told and soon, Castiel found that he was enjoying being with his brother. He often laughed and chuckled at how Balthazar flirted with the women who enjoyed Balthazar's attention.

"Mr. Johnathon Jones?"

The man in front of them snapped out of his day dream and smiled at the two men in front of them who were looking at them with suspicion in their eyes, "Did you hear what we just asked you?"

"Sorry, could you repeat that?"

Balthazar cleared his throat and leaned forward, his arms resting on his legs, "There were many witnesses that stated that you were with the victims before their deaths."

"Yes… Well, I knew some of them- although not well. We had a chat here and there." He answered, this time, putting his full focus on the two agents in front of him. Castiel observed the man, he was in his mis-40s but he looked much older. His dark hair had small bald patches and his hair was no longer dark but streaked with grey, his face was freckled and wrinkles aged his face. His eyes reminded Castiel of a man that had seen a lot, someone who was either very stressed with his job or had a hard life, they looked tired and wearily.

"What happened to your wife and child?" Castiel asked, noticing a small picture frame on the small table beside the couch he was sitting on. The photo looked quite old, perhaps it was around 10 years old. It was Johnathon standing beside a woman with a small girl in their arms, written in a messy writing was the date: 10 March 2003.

"Um… My wife… she… she left me with my daughter." He said softly.

"Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that Mr. Jones but where were you 4 nights ago at 11pm?"

"I was at home."

"Do you have anyone to prove that you were at home?"

His eyes flickered between the two brothers, "Are you two suspecting me?"

"Sir, We're just asking questions."

"I'm **not** a suspect. I didn't do anything wrong, I was home, _alone_ watching a movie _alone_. Now, if you gentlemen would kindly leave, I think we've talked enough." He snapped and ushered the two men out of his house, slamming the door with a loud bang.

"Well, wasn't he friendly." Balthazar sarcastically said, rolling his eyes.

"Balthazar… look." Castiel whispered, pointing towards a small window that must have been the basement. It was locked shut with a heavy lock that pecked from the flower bushes. The two brothers made their way to their car.

"It's definitely him, did you see the book he was hiding? About werewolves."

"Yeah… you ready for this Cas?"

"If I wasn't ready I wouldn't have come with you would I?" Castiel sighed before speeding towards their motel with a feeling in their gut that they were familiar with. They found the guy.

* * *

That night they drove towards the house, stopping a few houses down and walked up to his house. The were all off, and there was not much light apart from the half-moon that was shining brightly, illuminating the silhouettes of the two men standing beside each other.

"Good thing it's not a full moon right?"

"Come on…"

Balthazar quickly and silently picked the lock of the door and entered the house and drew their guns, making their way slowly before stopping in front of a door. They heard hushed whispers from behind the door, although they could not make out whose voice it was although one voice was calm and the other sounded like it was in a panic. The calm voice was definitely female while the other one… the other one was a male.

"Ready Cas?"

"Ye-"

"What are you doing here?"

The two men froze in the spots, Balthazar felt a cold metal against the back of his head and cursed out loud. Standing behind them was Johnathon with a gun against the back of Balthazar's head.

"You two aren't FBI are you… You must be hunters."

He received no reply but ordered them to open the door to the basement and nudged them down the stairs. The basement was dimly lit and small, cramped and damp from the pipe that did not seem to stop dripping. Castiel's blue eyes scanned the room, he was surprised. Tied to a chair in ropes was a man that he remembered talking to, there was dried blood against the skin of his temple and his eyes slowly closing and opening again. Standing opposite him was a small girl in what seemed to be rags instead of clothes, her skin pale but nonetheless she looked healthy, although a little skinny.

"Daddy, who are they? Are they friends?"

"Honey, these are, these people aren't your friends. They're your food and you know the rules…"

"Yes Daddy… Never play with food."

"Good girl."

Johnathon tied the two men to the chairs in the same manner as the other man as the little girl watched, swinging her legs while sitting on a table. Her father sharpening the knife in the corner while she looked curiously at the two new men, "Daddy never gives me more than one at a time. I guess today is a treat!"

"You're the werewolf." Balthazar stated, his eyes flickering to the two guns that were beside the girl- her father took them when he tied them up. The girl nodded shyly, looking away from the man, "It's my secret with daddy."

"So your wife and daughter didn't leave you, I guess I was wrong. I thought you were the werewolf Mr. Jones." Castiel said, making sure his voice was loud enough to be heard over the screeching of the metal knife sharpening.

"No, they didn't."

"Since I'm going to die… would you like to tell me what happened? As a dying wish." Castiel said

No one said anything for a while but the older man turned towards him, "Maria was bitten by a werewolf when she was young. Her first victim was my wife, took out her heart and just… ate it but she's my daughter! I… I have to do whatever it takes to makes sure she lives. Even if it means… killing you than I will." He said, his voice shaking but gaining slight confidence when he looked at the unconscious man beside Castiel.

"I see."

"You know, for a hunter… you don't have much determination to live."

"I don't have much to live for Mr. Jones."

He looked at the blue eyed man confused but he shook his head, "I don't understand you but I don't want to understand you. My first priority is my daughter. I'm sorry."

Castiel sighed and glanced at Balthazar who looked away.

"I'm sorry."

The man looked at him in confusion but a loud bang echoed in the small basement and following suit, the scream of a little girl who ran towards her father and crumpled to the ground, "DADDY! DADDY!"

Balthazar stood up, with a small, makeshift gun in his hand although it did not take form of a typical gun but a pen instead. He had always kept those in his pockets and each one was disposable, only carrying one bullet each.

Balthazar looked at the scene in front of him as he cut the ropes around Castiel. The little girl on her knees crying into her father's blood drenched shirt. His eyes blankly stared at the dark ceiling with the dim flickering light. His hands limp by his side while his daughter clutched tightly.

Castiel walked towards the gun and picked it up and walked towards the girl, kneeling down so he could be the same level as her, "Close your eyes… It'll all just be a dream."

The girl looked at him confused but she was fooled by the calmness in his eyes, she was almost hypnotised by the gentleness in his blue eyes she had almost forgotten that the man he was with killed her father. Between each flicker of the light, she saw his eyes glistening and he seemed so sincere the naive girl closed her eyes, smiling, "It's a dream… Daddy's not gone… Daddy… Dad-"

Balthazar closed his eyes as another shot rang out in the room and a soft thud was heard as the girl's body fell to the ground, the smile still on her face as she laid beside her father, blood drenching the material above their chest as a bullet ripped through their heart. He looked at Castiel who didn't have any expression on his face. It was cold and he was sure he did not feel sadness or regret for killing the small girl, even Balthazar felt a tinge of sadness as he saw the girl on the floor dead.

"What did you mean you didn't have a lot of live for." Balthazar's voice destroyed the silence in the basement.

Castiel looked at his brother, putting the gun back in the holster that was slung around his hips, "What?"

"You told him you didn't have a lot to live for…. What did you mean?"

Castiel looked away for a second before meeting his brother's eyes, "I don't. You know that Balthazar. You've always known I died a long time ago."

"I'm still _here _Castiel. I'm here even though they aren't, you have things to live for so don't say that again."

"Balthazar, I don't have much of a choice."

"STOP IT! I'll find a fucking way Castiel, even if I have to go to hell and back I'll find a way for you to live! I made a promise to Gabriel that I'd protect you, I'm your older brother, and I'm your family! You're the only family I've got so don't you EVER say that again!"

Balthazar pulled Castiel into a tight embrace which his younger brother returned. It was strange how they were rekindling their brotherly bond beside two corpses but he didn't care anymore, Castiel wanted to believe his brother even though he knew that he was wrong- he wouldn't be able to keep that promise. Castiel let go of Balthazar and looked at the two corpses lying side by side.

"Let's go."

"Do… do you want to bury them or burn them at least?" Balthazar asked.

Castiel shook his head, "They are monsters remember? We don't bury monsters. Her father was a monster and so was she. Balthazar, you were always too soft." He said before walking up the stairs leaving his brother behind. The older brother bent down, placing Johnathon's hand on his daughter and closed his eyes, they looked as though they were sleeping peacefully.

"If killing makes them monsters… then are we also monsters?" Balthazar whispered to himself before pausing, remembering how many lives he took, "then are we the devil himself?" he shook his head and he followed his younger brother up the stairs.

They drove silently to the motel but the silence was interrupted by the sound of a phone vibrating. Castiel pulled out his phone, his face slightly shocked although he hid it quite well.

_One new message: Dean Winchester._

_Hi Cas_

He opened it and let out a small smile. He noticed the message was sent a while ago, he guessed that when he was in the basement there was no cell reception and wondered if Dean was asleep or awake. He wondered if the green eyed man missed seeing him and suddenly he felt a urge to kiss the man- although he knew he could not which made him ache more to be with the older Winchester brother again although he dismissed the temptations.

"Cas."

"Hm?"

"I guess you have more than me to live for."

* * *

**A/N: Hello everyone! Another chapter! I might not update as frequently as the past few chapters because my exams are coming up next month (urgh) but I'll still try to write. I also changed the story title to 'Slowly Exhale' which is my old story that I discontinued and deleted, this story was supposed to be the rewritten version of the first version of Slowly Exhale but when I posted this I didn't want people to get confused if I named my stories the same so I choose a temporary name. Sorry if this confuses you. I hope you liked this chapter though. Balthazar is questioning his morality and is Cas going back to his cold hearted ways or will Dean keep him the human Castiel? More of that will be explored in the story : ) Please leave a review, seriously when I get a review I get very happy : )**

**Don't read and run, read and review! (This is going to be my slogan)**

**LordPeanut: thanks for the tip. I was a bit confused about how to write and when I wrote it I thought it sounded weird but I decided to try what you suggested in this chapter and I must say it's pretty good- I was worried about repeating names so many times in a paragraph **


End file.
